You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
