I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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