My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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