The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
