Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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