For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
