Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
