question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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