used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize