I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize