I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Even my vagina gasped.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
