It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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