ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize