My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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