I want to stick my p in your. b.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize