I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
