You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
