And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
