Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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