I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
