She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
