ugly people sure do ruin things
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
