Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize