Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
