So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Randomize