I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
