Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
