i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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