So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
