Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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