either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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