I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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