when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
