I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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