I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
