i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
