I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
