I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize