She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
