i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Randomize
