I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
