real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
