Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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