I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize