Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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