My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
