where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize