people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
