Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
