i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
