Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
