What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
When are your genitals available?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
