wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
