Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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