I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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