I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
