You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
