I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
