Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
