Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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