He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
