I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize