I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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