Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
